Another Store Review

Another Store Review

Kieran Hoskinson, Writer

Here we are once again, sitting around a table, curiosity in the air. A single candle dimly lights the small chasm we find ourselves in, tensions are high, patience running thin. A story is what I know you all have been waiting for, and disappointment is something I dare not bring. I ask you to lean in, open your ears, and take in my ever so important opinion on a land of mysteries and clearance sales. Walmart.

Let’s get real, there is no other store with stories spanning from downright horror to goofball level scenarios then the ones you will find at Walmart. After all, where else are you going to see someone in a self checkout looking like they put on a towel and left…because they did. In fact, Walmart is so known for the wild stuff that goes on inside their doors, that there are websites dedicated to sharing the stories. Go ahead and check other stores too, no other store can compare to the amount of weird sightings held at Walmart.

Now that we have covered the people in the store, let’s talk about the mystical land itself. If I where to drop you in an isle of a mystery store, and you were not allowed to look at the wallpaper surrounding the store to guess which one you are in? Of course, I could, and i’m sure you could too granted you’ve been there before. However, one look at the greyish white tiled floor, or a mere glance at their dark grey plastic shelves, and you know where you are. Walmart, the place where dreams come true. Try not to tear up here, but I know we all get emotional when we wait at the jewelry counter for 30 minutes, wondering if the key guardian will one day make an appearance. Watching person after person walk by while you stand there at the tech counter, waiting for the one brave employee running everything to finish with the person wanting an in depth analysis on every bluetooth speaker their department so generously offers. Of course, we cannot forget the ever so famous hunting section. Camo tents, jackets, fishing poles, lines, and hooks, and everyone’s favorite, guns. Oh, and if you find yourself lucky enough, you may even stumble upon one that sells fish, one even I have not been given the chance to see.

I could ramble on for hours about why Walmart will forever live on in my memory as one of the greatest stores to have ever been made. But, I think it’s time we part ways. I’m sure you’re headed to Walmart right now after reading this inspiring piece of literature, and I don’t want to disturb your driving. Enjoy your time in those sacred walls, and drive safe.