Thin. Ethereal. Even perfect are the first words that come to the mind of many people when they think of dancers. But these lives are far from perfect. Especially since nutcracker approaches, 

Since age 11, Pacific Northwest Ballet soloist Steven Loch has struggled with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). “Dance saved my life,” he says for ‘DANCE SPIRIT’ Magazine. “Performing allows me to process my experiences with mental illness through movement. The muscle memory distracts my brain and, for the most part, I’m able to leave my OCD in the wings.” This opened a lot of doors for dancers who have been battling these things as well. This gave them a sense of belonging, and consciousness of who they were.

Many dance companies now are starting to be more open in the mental health unit, but still struggle. 

For example, meet a young dancer who’s mental struggles also affect her physical being. Luna Montana, age 20, struggles with body dysmorphia and an eating disorder.

In December 2018, after a long and grueling Nutcracker dress rehearsal, then-17-year-old Luna Montana returned home and reviewed the day’s footage. As she watched herself dance, she broke into tears while comparing herself to the other dancers, feeling hatred toward her body. Montana, now almost 21, has been struggling with what is body dysmorphia since the seventh grade, and she decided to open up about her experience with her 230,000 YouTube subscribers in a video titled “I hate my body.” Body dysmorphia is Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can’t be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations” Says mayoclinic.org.

 “I hate myself,” she says into the camera as she brings her hand to her face before collapsing into tears. “I hate that I look so fat in the video. I hate my feet. I hate my leg shape. I hate my arms—they’re fat. I hate my hands—they’re weird. I hate literally everything about myself.”

In another interview with ‘DANCE SPIRIT’ she says “Most of my teachers have been really supportive, But some of the more old-school ones told me that I shouldn’t share my weaknesses so publicly. They don’t understand why our generation chooses to be so real on the internet.” Montana understands why they’re concerned—privacy is important, and the dance world has been built around hiding imperfections—but she is confident in her decision. “I’m helping people. This is too important a topic to be afraid of.”

By working through her struggles with body image and body dysmorphia, Montana has gained an even healthier relationship with dance. “For a while, dancing was really bad for me mentally,” she says to DANCE SPIRIT. “But as I’ve been open and worked through things, I’ve found that dance is my therapy.” Though these dancers don’t feel everyone needs to be as public about their experiences as they have, they recommend speaking up about  struggles to a close friend or loved one. “Reach out so you can get the help you need,” Montana finishes. Especially in this holiday season with dancers working over 14 hour days on shows, life can get rough and mental battles get worse.

In conclusion, the dance world is finally becoming more accepting of mentalities in companies and jobs. But it’s our job to break this stigma. What will you do?