Make English Simple – Satire Article

Liam Baker, Staff

Many are Celebrating across the world today as the Webster Dictionary has entered Phase 2 of it’s “MESP” Project. The Dictionary, which is universally considered to be the utmost authority on words, has announced that phase 2 will focus on eliminating 3 major words. These words are Desert, Bat and Row. The Dictionary has stated that these are not the only words that will be eliminated but this is a good starting point. 

It was decided back in June of 2020 that in an effort to make the english language as simple to as many people as possible. Eugen English, one of the last family members of the family who established english met with American leaders to establish MESP or Make English Simple Please comittee which will gather and decide what words will be on the Chopping Block every month or so. So for this month, the Dictionary will be eliminating all bats, Deserts and Rowboats to simplifly the english language.

Ms. Ferris, a 12th Grade English Teacher had this to say about the MESP Plan. “At First I thought it would simply be easier to change the words, but having to teach something new to my students after they learned it one way would just be too hard”. This sentiment is echoed across the nation by English Teachers and English Nuts who have to correct you at every turn, agreeing that it will save them from having to correct people from not understanding a complicated for no good reason Language. 

People have even been fired due to how confusing English is. “I have actually been rejected from multiple jobs because I could not tell Bat from Bat. I feel that they should have gotten rid of them way earlier”. This quote comes directly from Chet Shaft, a former Games on a Shelf employee, who was fired from the store when he accidentally bought Live Bats instead of Bats for the new MLB Game Promotion. 

The planned eradication of Bats, Rowboats and Deserts will begin sometime late next month. However until that begins, there is a Twitter campaign that will allow you to submit words that you feel like need to be simplified in the English Language.