Every single year after trick or treating, me and my friends would go to my friends house and pour our candy on his living room floor as bask in the glory of our massive haul. We had worked all night and here were our spoils. These are some of the best holiday moments for me right alongside christmas morning and easter egg hunts. But before embarking on the sugar highs of our lives, me and my friends would first toss out “the crap”. Not all candy is created equal. Just because it’s covered in chocolate or sugar doesn’t mean we can’t see right through it. Here you will find the worst of the worst of Halloween candy. *TRIGGER WARNING* this list is the opinion of the author and your favorite candy might be on the list, don’t take it personally. 

10. Milky Way

Starting off with a doozy, the milky way has always been one of my least favorites. It’s just nougat and caramel, if this thing goes through the wash in your pocket you don’t just have to get new pants but an entire new washer. Fun fact milky way candies are used by kidnappers as gags, because as soon as you bite into it, it sticks your tongue to the roof of your mouth.

9. Laffy Taffy

Here’s a joke for you Laffy Taffy people, YOUR WRAPPER. You need a diamond tipped table saw to open up a laffy taffy and it’s really not worth the effort. It looks like a plastic slug. And the Banana flavor? It would be too on the nose to call it puke. It tastes like a airhead without flavor took a bath in hot dog water.

8. Tootsie rolls

What is it?!?!. Is it chocolate? Why doesn’t it taste like chocolate? What’s with the shape? It looks like a stick, and has the consistency of a stick, and tastes like garbage. Very confused.

7. Dots

The ingredients in a dot; gelatin, water, nothing else. They have no taste! I considered putting dots as a DNP for this list because I’m not sure they are even candy. The only people who like dots are people from the 50s. Get these out of my life.

6. Necco Wafers.

I understand that these are like the first candies ever made but if I want to eat a chalk tablet I’ll stick to TUMS. At least they aren’t conversation hearts.

5. Conversation Hearts

I know that these aren’t even remotely Halloween candies and that these are in fact a Valentines Commodity, but on the subject of bad candy, these little bits of chalk should say “gag me” I don’t know how anyone would find these romantic, if someone gave me Conversation Hearts, I would give them a restraining order.

4. Candy Necklace

Want to look boujee and like you have just escaped from a mental asylum? You could try on a candy necklace! I don’t understand why anyone thought this would be a good idea. 

3. Raisinettes

You know why. You know why. No explanation needed.

2. Black Licorice

In Hell, all they serve is raisinettes and Black Licorice. If I was trapped in a Black Licorice factory for a year I would sooner starve then choke down any of it. This is a true fact The glycyrrhiza in licorice root can cause a condition known as pseudoaldosteronism. And a man died from eating too much, HOW MANY MORE MUST DIE! Black Licorice comes with a warning label, I am not kidding you look it up. 

1. CANDY CORN PUMPKINS

And here we are at the number 1. These pumpkins are fun to look at but as soon as they go in your mouth you will regret your choices. I tried one 2 weeks ago for research for this list and I still have not gone to the bathroom. I think it might kill me. Everyone wants to hop on the pumpkin spice train, but candy corn took it to the next level, a level that only ends in a severe depression. The only ingredients are corn syrup and dangerous amounts of food dye. Let’s all say no to candy corn pumpkins.